Summer time

Remember when you were in school and you were so excited by the time Summer cam around. Well I wish I could still have that kind of enthusiasm about this season. Perhaps if I got a 2 1/2 month break from work I would still have the ability to get excited. Now that I'm a grown up (not sure exactly when that happened) it's just another season and not met with the same enthusiasm as Fall or Spring. Perhaps it's just the memory of last year, but this season is not my favorite anymore.

As some of you know last summer B and I were successful at beginning our family. But that was a short lived dream for us. At just 7 weeks of pregnancy I lost the baby. Sitting in the hospital in the ultra sound room I knew it was over. The tech was so nice and did not want to break the news to me, but at 7 weeks you know you should be able to see something on the monitor. I saw a big black screen. No movement, no heartbeat. Nothing. It broke my heart. The doctors tell me that the fetus never "took". Hard to hear since for the weeks since I had taken the test and gotten a positive result I sure had taken to the idea of being a mommy.

Now it's a year later. Exactly a year since I took the at home test and got all giddy. Thursday will be the one year anniversary of when I told B the news. I'm still so sad about the loss and not sure if it ever goes away. Hopefully we will have good news in the future and I'll be able to look at pregnancy differently.

All the thoughts of "family" has lead me to get moving on our family tree book. MIL Sharon has a wonderful book and it is the most detailed that I had seen in a while. It's been over a year since my Granddad passed on and he left me the family history book. I took it out and was surprised at how in depth he was too. So this week I plan on going to the Genealogy Center in Independence Missouri to see if I can get even more information for my dads side of the family. That seems to be the info that has the largest holes in it. Thanks Mom for getting me another passion to do... I'll add it to the scrap-booking jobs that I have going.